Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Bantasy Football: Suggesting Sunderland (again)

I could be Captain Obvious and tell you to put in six Manchester players this week but you already know that and I like to think of my posts as somewhat useful - if largely farcical.  

If Vladimir Putin on a stick isn't a farcicle, I don't know what is


Enter stage left Sunderland. They may look familiar to you from my post a few weeks ago but rest assured; much has changed since you didn't read that. They now have an excellent chance of staying up - not least because Fulham couldn't beat Hull and Norwich have lost their final two games (Chelsea and Arsenal) before even playing them. 

Any game is winnable when you're in a relegation scrap. West Brom at home and even a
"Giggsified" United at Old Trafford are no exceptions. 

Connor Wickham (4.6)

Have you ever had that thing where one minute you're a totally unknown Magikarp of a player whom your relegation-bound team have squandered £8million on and the next you're single-handedly dragging them from the depths of oblivion into a position where survival isn't just possible but probable? No? Well this bloke has. Now listen all about it.  

Forget the five priceless goals Wicker chair's netted in his last three games; take a look at that bantasy points tally and you'll need to take a cold shower and conjure a mental image of Susan Boyle in a two-piece before you can leave the house without walking like a pterodactyl to cover your shame.

13, 8, 16. Only one bonus point went missing. Phwoar. 

He costs - you guessed it - practically nothing. He's owned by - wait for it - absolutely no-one (0.8%). There's no excuse to not have this boy in your team if you currently have any single GW players apart from SAS, Lukaku and maybe Giroud. I'd even swap him for Adebayscore. 

Wickam evolved into Gyarados. Sh*t subsequently got serious!

Fabio Borini (6.2)

If you like penalty takers and believe in the power of on-loan strikers to drastically over-perform like I do, Borini is your man. If, however, you also enjoy making as many fantasy points as possible for as few fantasy coins as possible, stick with Connor Wickerman. Don't try and be fancy. Borini is owned by the same number of people (0.8%) and I don't care what your Mum tells you - no-one's going to like you more for being different.

Being different: Not always beneficial

Adam Johnson (6.4)

Forget Russia - Adam Johnson is the real riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.   Between 11th January and 1st February he boshed in 51 points! In four games! It's now been five matches since he's done anything decent. Maybe there's still stardust tucked away somewhere in his boots. Maybe he accidentally shook it out along with astroturf sand. Either way he's one for the chancers amongst you. That said, at 6.4 he's the best in his price bracket given the DGW. I'd even take him over the supremely in-form Sterlings and Puncheons of this world* - THAT's how much I heart double gameweeks.

*Don't you just hate that phrase? - There's only one Jason Puncheon in this world

Jon O'Shea (4.8)

A mate of mine had a running joke with his uni mates that they would go out out every time O'Shea scored a goal. Suffice to say they all got 1sts and didn't meet many ladyfriends. Anyway point is - the boy don't score much. What he does do is play every game. He'll be playing against Swansea at home and he'll be playing at West Brom at home (let's forget about the Old Trafford game for a clean sheet shall we?). Both are must win and there's the faintest sliver of hope Sunderland could realise that keeping a clean sheet and scoring makes you three points.

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