Thursday, 13 March 2014

Bantasy Football: Looking at Newcastle

In stark contrast to last week, there are a plethora of tantalising options to choose from in GW 30. Next week's double gameweek blockbuster doesn’t just have to be borne in mind, though – it should form the main basis for your transfer rationale this week.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail

Obvious wins nothing

'If I were a Boeing 777 jet, where would I hide?' - is precisely the sort of warped mindset you need to enter into this week. It's too late in the season for renowned players. You're too close to the winner's podium to put all your hopes on a household name. Come way out of left field and find a hero disguised as a minnow; a massive player everyone else thought was a bust. Go big or go home - death or glory!

OK maybe let's not be quite that extreme - and yes, clearly you'll want to stock your team with as many DGW 31 players as you can. And yes, Liverpool are at Old Trafford on Sunday and then face two of the bottom three in the Double Gameweek spectacular - so they're the obvious choice. 

But everyone who’s anyone is fully aware of the virtues of the super-powered SAS, the bargain bucket that is Sterling, the penalty-fuelled consistency of Gerrard and the high risk, low reward Coutinho. 

For team of the week this week I’m going to Toon. Forget all that head-butting nonsense - let's talk about what's going down on the fantasy football field. 

Howard Webb - less excitable than Jeff Stelling


If you’re looking for a slightly more inconspicuous team to build your transfers around, the Magpies are alone in being at home for both double GW fixtures - and play rock-bottom Fulham at Craven Cottage this week. 

What do Fulham and The Rock have in common? That's right - not very much

Lack of incentive could combine with the absence of Pardew to drain morale and crucify form but St James’ Park always rocks - and Fulham always blow. 

Yoan Gouffran (6.3; owned by 1.1 %)

With Remy out for three games with a calf injury, step up Monsieur Gouffran. 6 goals and 4 assists this season isn't bad for a bit-timer - he's a dead cert 90 minute player at the moment, especially with Loic out, and anything owned by only 1% of people is surely some sort of amazeballs luxury product worthy of your hard-earned dolla. 

Gouffran - Luxury worth having?

Moussa Sissoko (5.7m; 3% owned)

He's played every game this season, seems to have cemented himself into a relatively advanced field position and bagged a whopping 15 pts against Hull last week with a neat brace. His first finish was like something out of International Superstar Soccer with the cheats turned on and his second illustrated a keen attacking instinct with an eye for getting into the six-yard box. 

Forget body shape and physical logic - this one's going straight in

Mike Williamson (4.2; 1.2%)

Newcastle have had a defence like a sieve for as long as eggs have been eggs but their fixture list implies clean sheets are on the horizon - if only due to their opponents' inefficacy in front of goal. This Williamson bloke is just so cheap for someone who has started every game since week 6. He might even score, I suppose. There's nothing pointing to the fact that he will but wouldn't it be nice if he did? Sometimes good things happen to good people. Back yourself. 

Today's theme was memes. Your reward for making it to the end is this totally unrelated pic of a cat just hanging out.

I have a plan

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