Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Bantasy Football: Time for Tottenham

The last day of the season has thrown up some wild ones over the years: Man U and West Brom's 5-5 last year; Man City's epic last-gasp Agueroooooo in 2012. This year the shortest odds for a home side not challenging for the title fall to Spurs. Dare you pick players from a team that has nothing to play for? Yeah, baby - That's what fantasy football's all about. Yeah. 

Just desserts?

Your first thought will be of the slovenly loss to West Ham and how Spurs have nothing to play for - or maybe of how some players have been faking injuries to get out of playing (probably so they can focus on their fantasy teams). Some are even suggesting the real match this week will be the Ledley King Testimonial on Monday. But Tottenham have recently developed a penchant for spanking rubbish teams at home (Sunderland 5-1, Fulham 3-1) - and Aston Village are just that - as evidenced by the drubbing Man City are about to give them (score not available at time of writing due to the linearity of time).

The result may be irrelevant to their final table position or whether Sherwood gets sacked (he will be) but a show will be expected - the White Hart Lane faithful have endured an unsatisfying dog's dinner of a season and will demand something delicious and conciliatory for pudding.

More goals please

Emanuel Adebayor (7.4)

If Spurs are going to crush Villa, one man is bound to be doing a funny dance celebration and that's Adebayscore. He's drawn a blank in his last four but remains the Lilywhites' most prolific threat with 10 goals and six assists. He is owned by 4.9% but probably not the guys you're trying to catch - certainly worth a risk. 

Harry Kane (4.4)

Oh Harry. A few weeks ago I touted you and you set the world alight. Then you went and scored that silly own goal against Wham. Though sacrificed in that game to sure up the defence, he could start again - but Soldado (8.4) is now fit and Levy may be giving Sherwood a cheeky prod in the back to remind him that a striker who has scored two goals from open play in a season isn't worth much on the transfer market these days. Kane's cheap so he's a great option if you're making two transfers to bring in a superstar but Ade is your best bet if you can afford him. 

Christian Eriksen (7.2)

Some call him "midfield dynamite"; others a "free-kick maestro". I'll just get on with the business and tell you he's put up 9 points seven times since Christmas. Guaranteed a start ceteris parabis sine funnybusiness, the Dane has 44 points in his last four home matches. Turn on your metronome, say that out-loud and that's baby-making music.  

Eriksen's home form: Sexier than the sexiest song ever

Vlad Chiriches (4.5)

With Kaboul suspended and Vertonghen probably out with severe "injuredness", Vlad will start - whether he'll get a clean sheet is another matter entirely. Spurs have only managed one in nine. That poor Hugo Lloris. He tries his best. 

Kyle Naughton (4.1)

Even cheaper - and more likely to play (Walker surely won't be risked with Rio on the horizon) - is the worst full-back in the Premier League. This man is responsible for more catastrophes than Stalin, Hitler and Adam Sandler put together. If Spurs shut Villa out, though, he'll get credit. Unfair I know - but them's the rules. 

The poster's actually pretty good compared to the film

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